Why Am I Drinking More As I Get Older? – Kathy’s Naked Life
Why am I drinking more as I get older? That’s the question Kathy kept asking herself as her nightly glass of wine turned into three—or more. She wasn’t drinking to celebrate anymore—she was drinking to cope. One day, after waking up with a pounding headache and zero energy for her grandkids, she knew something had to change. That’s when she found This Naked Mind, and for the first time, things started to make sense. Kathy’s story is one of honesty, struggle, and finally finding freedom from alcohol.
How It All Began
It’s funny, isn’t it? You go through life, and certain things just become… normal. It wasn’t until I really started to ponder the question of alcohol’s role in my life that I realized just how much of an impact it had on me, even from a young age.
Growing up, whenever there were parties or any kind of celebration at our house, beer was always around. My mom even had these adorable little shot glasses, tiny replicas of beer steins. My parents would always let me have just one little taste of beer in one of those tiny glasses. I didn’t like it much, to be honest. But I sure did feel included, like I was a valued part of the fun.
Then there was bridge club. When my parents’ friends would come over for bridge, out came the beautiful bottles of liquor. The evenings were filled with togetherness, laughter, and just a really good time. My sister and I would sit on the stairs, peeking into the living room at all the excitement. Everyone had a drink in their hand, and a lot of them were smoking cigarettes too. But it was those elegant bottles that really caught my eye.
Early Encounters and Lingering Questions
As I continue to think back, a specific incident pops into my head. I was in ninth grade, and my parents were out of town. Some friends came over, and while I didn’t have any alcohol at my house, they certainly brought their own. They ended up getting pretty drunk, and one person actually threw up all over my parents’ bathroom. I cleaned it all up, of course. But when my parents came home, they asked me what had happened because the toilet seat was sticky! Oh my goodness! The funny thing, as I ponder this now, is that I was never punished for it. However, that was the point where I decided not to drink at all in high school.
Then came college! And oh boy, I became very intrigued with alcohol and its siren call.
September 1971, I headed off to college in New Jersey. The drinking age there was 18, while back home in Pennsylvania, it was 21. I was only 17 when I started college, but by January of my freshman year, I turned 18. And did I ever party! There was Taylor Port wine and whipped cream iced cake. I won’t go into all the details, but let’s just say I’ve never had Taylor Port wine or cake with whipped cream icing again! Despite how sick I got, I still enjoyed Boone’s Farm wine, which was only $.99 a bottle. It became a weekend staple. This was a time of fun, a release, and a way to relax. It was also a time for building relationships with new friends. It felt good, right, and important.
The Social Glue of Alcohol in Young Adulthood
I was also part of a sorority in college. There was always some kind of “celebration” happening with the fraternities. They’d get clean garbage cans, fill them with grain alcohol and fruit punch. There was food, “the punch,” dancing, and a lot of fun! (Or so I thought at the time.) But the fun always revolved around the alcohol. It almost felt necessary. The alcohol made it better, I believed. It made me dance better, relate better, and feel more like part of the crowd. And the impact of alcohol just kept growing. Now I see it so clearly! Back then, I was completely asleep to it. 😴😴😴
July 1975, I started grad school at Penn State University. Alcohol was just woven into the fabric of life there. After a long week of studying, writing papers, and reading, we’d head to the bistro. When the weather was nice, we’d sit outside, drink, eat, laugh, chat, and relax. Relate. Or so we thought. If the weather wasn’t great, we’d gather inside at the bistro, the bar, or the tavern. It was such a normal part of everyday life up there. I didn’t see anything wrong with it; I only saw the benefits.
The story was very similar when I got my first job in Pittsburgh at the school for the deaf. We worked incredibly hard during the week, and then on the weekends, the teachers would go to happy hour and stay until the place closed. Dancing, drinking, laughing, relaxing, letting off steam, and relating. We were a close-knit group back then, and we genuinely believed that alcohol was helpful, almost essential, for our connection.
Navigating Life’s Transitions
Fast forward to getting married in 1978 to my wonderful husband, buying two homes, having four children, and raising them. I remember drinking a little bit during that time, but it wasn’t necessary. Life was incredibly full. My husband wasn’t a drinker at that point; he stopped when our first child was born. So, it wasn’t something we shared. Although, he never criticized me if I had a glass of wine or anything. Our friends weren’t big drinkers at all either. This time was a welcome reprieve for me.
It was in 1996 that I returned to my profession as a teacher of the deaf at one of the 29 local education agencies in PA. We had four children at home, and my youngest son was in kindergarten. It was a very busy period. But perhaps because the children were still at home, there wasn’t much alcohol around. I don’t ever remember having a stash during those years.
The Slow Creep of Increased Consumption
I took on a new role there as a training and consultant staff member. Our job was to deliver professional development in various areas to teachers in the 13 school districts we served. As I ponder… the alcohol consumption definitely increased then. It was a high-stress job, and alcohol helped decrease that stress… or so I thought. And yet, I can remember times when I tried to cut back on the alcohol. But I just couldn’t. I was a responsible mother, a good staff member, and presenter. And still, I thought I was so weak that I couldn’t stop. But I didn’t see alcohol as the problem. Isn’t that strange?
I progressed in that educational agency to Assistant Director of Curriculum and then Director of Curriculum – a cabinet-level position. With each step up in my professional life came more stress, obviously. Personally, at that point, my dad suffered a stroke, and there was a lot of support needed for my mom. We used to have wine together quite often. I saw that as a comfort, not a problem.
The Shift
Professionally, as a director, I was interacting with superintendents and assistant superintendents from all the local school districts, as well as people across Pennsylvania and even the nation. Drinking was just part of that life, now that I remember. It was then that I started telling my husband we needed milk, and I’d run to the grocery store and come back with milk and a large bottle of wine. I even got into boxed wine. If I went out for any errand, I always came back with wine. My children were now adults, and I genuinely enjoyed having wine with my daughter and her friends. It felt like a real connection! I felt like I could relate to her and to them better.
Finding Connection and Coping Through Alcohol
We administrators would often stop after work to unwind at our favorite local bars and taverns. My drink of choice there was a beautiful Manhattan, so golden and easy to drink. My boss really enjoyed her Manhattans as well. I can remember long talks with her at a local bar. Again, another great connection, or so I perceived it.
Every once in a while, I would try to drink less or less often. But it didn’t seem like a significant issue to me then. The sense of relaxation, release, and connection was what I focused on. And back then, I genuinely thought I drank because the taste was great! I think I wanted to stay asleep to the negative effects of the alcohol; it was just easier and certainly more comfortable. Every now and then, I’d become aware of a tug and pull, but I thought I had control… I really thought I did…
My Justifications
I rarely kept bottles of liquor at home. Instead, I would just go out and buy them when I wanted them. I thought that kept me in control. I didn’t have any “altar” of liquor in the house. In my mind, I believed that if I had liquor readily available at home, it would mean I truly had a problem. But as long as I just had a bottle or two of wine, I was fine. I was in control. In fact, I never had liquor in the house.
I didn’t even know how to make a Manhattan. So, I thought that was control too. I didn’t even know how to buy liquor! Lol, but I sure knew how to buy my wine! The question kept popping up – why am I drinking more as I get older? Looking back, the slow increase was tied to stress, social norms, and a misguided belief that it helped me connect and cope.
The Seeds of Awareness and the Path to Change
A very close friend of mine, Lori, shared This Naked Mind with me back in 2018. I devoured that book. There was so much relatable information for me. I recognized many of the authors Annie Grace cited. In fact, I had even used their work to help my teachers teach kids how to learn and think. I knew there was an answer in there… I was starting to become aware, I guess. But I didn’t stop drinking yet.
I did the Alcohol Experiment on my own at the beginning of 2019. I bought the book and read it. At the end of 2019, I did the intensive. Also in 2019, I started a four-year intensive program of “spiritual direction for spiritual guides.” I received certification after two years and then completed two more expansion years. Concurrently, at the end of November 2020, I did the TNM Alcohol Experiment again, this time with all the videos and resources. And this is what I wrote in my journal on November 1, 2020 – exactly four years ago from today:
“Why am I ‘doing’ this again? It appears that it is so connected to all I am going through and learning… The Enneagram, Richard Rohr, James Finley, spiritual guide work.”
Join The Alcohol Experiment
Have you realized that you’re drinking more as you get older? Would you love to take a break, interrupt that pattern, and rewrite the rules when it comes to you and your relationship with alcohol? Join The Alcohol Experiment! It’s a totally free 30-day guided journey to interrupting the beliefs that keep you stuck with knowledge, community, and content that empowers you to decide where you go from here!
Doing The Work
My journal continued with comments on the pre-work video about fear: “Forget about failure or success! Just be curious. What will happen? 30 days without alcohol? How will I ever get over the idea that I want a drink and that’s that! I do everything for others: answer their calls, fill their needs, be their answer, pay their way, be there always, deny myself… Finally, I drink! For me! And when I drink, I’m the one in control. Not my mom, not others, but me. I’d get done with a busy day in college, and finally, I would just sit and relax and chat and eat ice cream.
Done with classes at Penn State, finally go to the bistro and relax and sit and drink and eat. There’s a theme here… It was a pressure release… Do what I want. Not what my parents’ voices wanted or the ‘should-voices’ or the professors’ voices or the bosses’ voices. I believed I could actually connect with these loud voices by drinking and eating with them. The voices became quieter then.”
The Turning Point and Embracing Freedom
It was in the summer of 2023 that I had a few drinking events. One “event,” I was by myself at our seasonal campground, and I bought a bottle of Manhattans. They finally sold Manhattans in bottles! And the liquor store was only a mile away from the campground. How convenient! Sufficient to say, that was the leverage point, I guess. Or the turning point? I got so drunk that I sat on the floor of the camper with my head on the toilet and was just so sick. I actually thought I should call someone or that I was going to die. Now, I didn’t, but I can tell you I haven’t had a Manhattan since then.
It was that event that made me sign up for the PATH program. I actually think I received an email from Annie Grace, and that was it. I signed up in August 2023 for the Alive Path. And on October 1, 2023, I declared my freedom from alcohol and haven’t wanted a drink since. The cravings were minimal and very easy to manage. I was free. I experienced true freedom! And the support from that year in the PATH has been amazing!
Answers To Why Am I Drinking More As I Get Older?
The PATH is what did it! And it certainly did a lot! But the work, the journaling, and the consistent messaging I received in the years since I started reading Annie’s books all built upon each other. I don’t think the order was crucial, but the information and the processes were vital. Meeting together and journaling were incredibly important. I didn’t even realize how much I journaled. But as I looked back at my old notebooks from the different classes I took with This Naked Mind, I realized journaling is key!
The compassion and curiosity focus of this program is huge. Identifying shame, blame, and guilt and understanding how unhelpful they are for our brains and bodies. Realizing that I can be the boss of my thinking. One would think that having been trained so extensively as a teacher of the deaf (with a significant focus on neurolinguistics), a teacher of teachers, an adjunct professor, and a presenter on teaching and learning and how the brain learns, that I would have realized that sooner. Little did I know that all of this professional and spiritual work was a jumping-off point for the freedom I now experience! There was that question again – why am I drinking more as I get older? That question finally led me to explore the underlying reasons and find a path to a different way of living.
A Life Transformed and Lessons Learned
It was Annie Grace’s work that brought together all the golden threads of what I had learned. And I have honestly experienced a sense of freedom that I vaguely remember… as a very young child. One friend recently said that I have so much zeal and almost sizzle with excitement and anticipation right now. I watch my little granddaughters with their pure joy. Even my adult children say that’s what I must have been like as a little girl. And I smile as I write this. I am so incredibly grateful that I am free and that This Naked Mind has a voice. There are so many areas where this work is going to transcend and include.
I really believe that many people out there think they have no control over their thinking. They believe their thoughts are them, not just patterns that have been programmed. They think their thoughts are their very being – they don’t realize they have power over those thoughts and belief systems. The TNM & Affective Liminal Psychology Coaching Certifications… I don’t have the words to express how positively this work has impacted me. Unmistakable Impact. It is truly ineffable.
What is My Life Like Now?
This is a huge question: What is my life like now? I accept my husband more fully. Even after 46 years of marriage and being 70 years old, I can honestly say I used to get so annoyed with him, pick on him, and wonder why he thought the way he did and not my way. I don’t think that anymore! I am enjoying him much more thoroughly than ever before! It is quite exciting. I love people. Nowadays, I have more compassion and understanding for them. I want to give them the space to find their true voice again.
I have really embraced “eldering!” These are golden years! Years to share, enjoy, and love better. I have a heart full of compassion and love for people, and it’s becoming deeper and richer than ever before. I’m enjoying myself so much more. I like me better. All of me. I used to try to get rid of all the “bad” feelings, attitudes, and behaviors and hide them from everyone, even myself. I felt like I had to be perfect (so tiring!!!). But now, I embrace the good, the bad, the unknown, the beautiful! I don’t want to sound like Pollyanna; I do have difficult days and moods, and I accept them. I sit with them rather than trying to run from them or numb them.
Raising Awareness
I am aware of and recognizing more areas where I am not entirely free, where I still feel enslaved. I am currently working on my sugar consumption, and I can honestly say that since October 1, 2024, I have been sugar-free. However, I’ve noticed that my overeating is another way of numbing. I’m working on that as well. I can see that my belief systems are much easier to examine and potentially change. To consider that maybe they aren’t absolute truths. And to do the research, the journaling, and act on those new understandings is glorious. There’s just no better word for me personally.
When my daughter was little, I think she was about three years old, I asked her to do something several times, and she didn’t. Finally, she looked at me, put her hands on her little hips, and said, “Mommy, I am the boss of me!” And now I can say to her – “I am the boss of me too, honey… Me too…” ❤️💜❤️ Why am I drinking more as I get older? That question has now transformed into “How can I live more fully and freely as I get older?”
Looking Back
If I could talk to my old self, I would tell her to come sit down with me. I would tell her that we are whole, just as we are. The good, the bad, the challenging, the unknown, the beautiful – it’s all part of us. I would tell her that I’m not trying to get rid of her anymore. I’m not trying to squash her, criticize her, or judge her. Because the tools she used to navigate life were the best tools she had at that time.
And now, as we realize that we are complete, that we can progress through this life journey “ever onward” with new tools that are more helpful, it’s a profound shift. Yes, we do have better tools now, and together, we are stronger and have more power than we ever imagined. And then I would hug her, and I would say, “Isn’t that great?”
I would tell her that we will overflow. We were made to overflow into our world with love, compassion, grace, mercy, joy, and hope. Reminding her that all of those things are necessary for true restoration and change. I would tell her that the light we have inside is from that initial spark that got covered up by all kinds of external messages. But now, our light is not hidden by those messages anymore. We are aware. We can see more clearly now. And our light will shine.
I would remind her that we are Imago Dei, Beloved. We are uniquely, exquisitely, and elegantly made. And we can breathe into that truth. Dum spiro spero – While I breathe, I hope.
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