How many bottles of wine does it take to forget trauma? Emily spent twenty years trying to answer that question. After a traumatic relationship at age twelve, she turned to drinking to deal with childhood trauma, believing alcohol was her only escape. While working at a local pub in her twenties, Emily’s drinking escalated to dangerous levels – three bottles of wine or a full bottle of gin per night. Through This Naked Mind and The Path, she finally learned what her younger self needed most wasn’t another drink – it was understanding and healing.

Where It All Started

I never thought much about alcohol, not really, until I met my first serious boyfriend. I was twelve. Twelve. He was eighteen. Yeah, looking back, it was a mess. During that relationship, I was forced to grow up way too fast (I’ll spare you the gory details), and my childhood basically vanished. That’s where alcohol came in. It helped me numb the pain, navigate those confusing years. It was like a crutch, except it kept me from actually dealing with any of the trauma. All that pain just stuck around, festering inside me for most of my adult life.

It’s crazy how we use drinking to deal with childhood trauma, isn’t it? Like it’s some magic potion that will erase the past. But it’s a lie.

Back then, everyone around me seemed to think drinking was okay. And I was always a people-pleaser, desperate to fit in and be liked. Alcohol became my best friend, my constant companion. Even though I knew it kept landing me in dangerous situations, I couldn’t stop. I told myself it wasn’t a problem… yet.

The Dark Side of Drinking Alone

Things shifted when I started living on my own in my twenties. Suddenly, alcohol wasn’t so shiny and exciting anymore. Bills had to be paid, responsibilities piled up. Gone were the carefree days of going out with friends for a few drinks. To make ends meet, I picked up a second job at our local pub. Ironically, that’s when my drinking really escalated. I was surrounded by alcohol, and I mostly drank alone.

That was an incredibly dark period in my life. There were so many times I’d wake up in a hospital bed, the hazy memories of another suicide attempt flooding back. I remember screaming at my parents in the ER, begging them to leave me alone. The shame was unbearable.

Looking back, it’s clear that I was still drinking to deal with childhood trauma. But the alcohol wasn’t healing anything; it was just making things worse.

The Endless Cycle of Trying to Quit

I tried to get help. I went to the doctor, I went to AA, I had regular appointments at the community alcohol service. Every week, I’d report how much I drank, they’d suggest cutting down, warn me about the risks. It was the same conversation on repeat. No one seemed to get it. No one seemed to realize the depth of my pain. Honestly, I don’t think I truly understood it either.

About a year ago, I hit rock bottom. I was drinking a full bottle of gin or three bottles of wine every night. Just existing, not living. I had a beautiful life, a loving family, a good job… and yet, I felt like an intruder in my own skin. So alone.

It was then, staring into the abyss, that I realized I had nothing left to lose and everything to gain. This was my last chance. I signed up for a 5-day challenge with This Naked Mind, which ultimately led me to The PATH.

Start Your Own Challenge

Have you been drinking to deal with childhood trauma? Are you ready to find a new way of coping that doesn’t leave you feeling worse? Join our Control Alcohol Challenge and find freedom on your terms just like Emily did!

Finding This Naked Mind and a Community of Support

Little did I know how transformative that decision would be. The Path gave me a community, a tribe of people who accept me, care for me, and want the best for me. It’s a safe, non-judgmental space where I can finally be myself. For the first time in my life, I feel truly seen and heard.

Through The Path and the philosophy of “This Naked Mind,” I’ve learned so much about myself and the nature of addiction. I no longer fall into the trap of those negative narratives that used to plague me daily, those stories that would send me spiraling. I understand now that drinking to deal with childhood trauma was a coping mechanism, a misguided attempt to soothe the pain. But it wasn’t my fault. Alcohol is an addictive substance, designed to hook you.

I’m so grateful for this newfound awareness, for the ability to see alcohol for what it truly is. I have a future now, a life brimming with possibilities. I’m leaving The Path knowing that one day, I will be sober. Of that, I am sure.

And to the younger Emily, the one who was so lost and hurting: I’m so sorry for your pain. But drinking alcohol won’t make it go away. There’s a better way, a path to healing and freedom. Keep searching, keep fighting.

Share Your Story

Have you found healthier ways than drinking to deal with childhood trauma with our books, the app, the podcasts, or another program at This Naked Mind? We want you to share your story here and inspire others on their journey!